I dreamed I was terribly concerned about how the seismic disturbances and earthquakes caused by fracking would affect the Yellowstone caldera, and woke up to realize that this is a valid question.
I mean, if the corporations and politicians are not going to let "this, quite undeniably, causes earthquakes what shake houses down and draw on your disaster-relief efforts," affect their decision-making process, I doubt that, "this might help make the United States and much of the world uninhabitable by humans and other species, and kill off billions of people and cute dogs" will catch their attention. But a girl can dream, right?
So the bug spray man came today. Landlord said he would come in with him, and did not. I organized my furnace room beautifully for the occasion, then said, "Fuck it. I'm sure they've seen worse," for the rest of the house, and went to bed at the usual time. I don't have to call in to work to conceal the fact that I "do business" out of my home. I feel good about that. Still a little weirded out by my lease. I may be hitting the "rooms/shares" section of Craigslist harder than usual. I also feel good that, "fuck it," was "pass." It is a D+, sure, judged against the rest of American humanity, and an absolute "F" for the X-chromosomed (although, let's be honest? No matter what you do, housework-wise, as a woman, you are failing miserably and your interior voice is going to say, "Kill yourself now, you useless waste of humanity who will never be a cross between Martha Stewart, Ree Drummond, and Claire Huxtable. Also for taking as an example of a decent woman a fictional wife who by implication supported her obstetrician husband's rape racket, ew."), but for me? A++++ I worked hard for that "meh, good enough," and I am quite proud of myself. I'm beating the me from not-so-long-ago by miles and years and worlds.
The bug spray guy sprayed the clothing in my closet. Damn near hit my cat, who was hiding in stranger terror. Dude, really? Uggh.
Landlord is visiting tomorrow, so "company ready" does not cover it--- have to clear out all the closets, clean the cupboards, etc. like my ex-future-mothers-in-laws are visiting. Cat, of course, is constipated and therefore super-needy, begging for reassurance with every sudden movement I make. I am over-stimulated and very irritable. Too stressed and headachy to sleep and very, very tired. Did I mention grumph? Because I feel grumph.
I just read my lease. It's explicitly stated that we cannot have guests after 10:00 p.m., and that if we have, now or ever, had any "associates" who have done anything illegal at all, it is grounds for eviction. (So if you fire your direct for turning up positive on a test for marijuana, pack your bags, baby.)
It is also heavily implied that ordering pizza or ordering stuff online is considered "doing business ," and forbidden.
(The landlord has his own violations, so I think we are for the most part living and letting live, but wow.)
Last week I was pulling down quite a bit of overtime, and things got very slow, so I was sent "home"* early by my work on two days.
Today, I got a warning for leaving early twice.
I contacted my not-supervisor about it. It's fixed.
This is a victory. Believe it or not, there was a time when I would have sighed and said, "Well, if I were I a good-enough worker, they wouldn't have sent me points. It's probably just that I suck so ineptly but in such a manipulative way, they can't say anything about it, so they gave me attendance points instead. Or maybe this is just karma, and I'm taking a ding for times that I was snippy to people when they did exactly what I asked. Yes. I will suck it up and learn from this and use it to be a better person. Everything that happens is for the best." (Accompanied by echoes of everyone saying, "You never point things out when they are not in your favor," and "They are doing their job, and you are fucking with their ability to do their job by pointing out mistakes that shouldn't matter. What do you care about attendance points? You have six days of unexcused absences before it becomes a problem.") Then I would have been depressed, moped about, and possibly gotten some ACTUAL points. (Severe depression is a migraine trigger for me. Honestly, I think it may be that I am just more laid-prone by physical pain when I am depressed, though.)
It probably happens less often than my self-concept lets me think, and I should, absolutely, improve as a worker, be less selfish and self-centered, stop shading the narrative in my favor.
That having been said, it feels really good to be able to say, "Mistake made," and have someone say, "Oh! You're right! Thanks, we'll fix it." Like I'm a real person who deserves the truth, even when the truth is not horrid. All is illusion and nothing matters, of course, but I like this illusion.
*I work from my apartment, so I wasn't so much "sent home" as I was "allowed to stop documenting phone calls I answer."
So I'm sitting here at home, working, chatting with people 2100 miles away and being like, "And you can use your phone as a room key at this location, no problem," hassling my brother in realtime in Germany, checking on the status of a package I sent my mom from China, no big, everyday stuff, being very nervous about the coming dubiously-qualified celebretainment personality being elected to the highest office of the land and total ecological meltdown and I ask my fellow science fiction fen-from-before-it-was-cool if they ever feel like roaring "BITCH DID WE NOT TELL YOU" or if that is just me?