You know that action movie bit that we are all supposed to be tired of (but always makes me smile)? The one where someone is divesting him/herself of ALL weaponry at a checkpoint, and there's their primary piece, a sidearm, a knife, a pepperpot pistol in an ankle holster, some throwing knives, brass knuckles, sword cane, weaponized hair chopsticks, etc.? I want that just to keep going. A bat'lev ("Where were you hiding that?"), a taser, foldout quarterstaff, throwing stars, badger, two kinds of grenades, rubber duckie ("DON'T touch that."), fire extinguisher...
I dreamed about what my subconscious insists is "my next mistake." (Dammit subconscious, you listen to Tayli-po as well? Isn't it shameful enough that my cat and I do?) Demanded an e-mail address. "Majorwalnut8@msn.com," she replied.
A waking search for this came up with lots of wood stains.
Have REALLY been loving the Online SFF Workshop. I posted that piece about the memory of blood and bone, and it's getting SO finely-milled with feedback.
Only... a plot point (is it a plot point if it occurred before the story began?) of the story is that the viewpoint character, a former healthcare professional, has diagnosed herself as dying of a disease after having outlived most of humanity, and she is sending her kids out so she can have quiet time to think about whether she wants to euthanize herself or not. I hint at it in several places, but I don't say it outright. And people get irritated at me for these hints, but they don't pick up on what these irritating things are pointing to... they seem to think she is bored and horny (and yeah, she is, but these are the least of her worries). And man, it galls me to do it, it feels like a huge diss to my readers, but I'm going to have to spell it out.
I've also ditched some beginnings of language drift in an isolated community: it's now a dorm, not a "cuna." Siiiiiiigh.
Also irritating to my readers, but I am NOT "fixing" it: I have an acronym in the story (the central theme is mnemonics for survival in a sundered world) that every single male critique person who has touched it bitch that he's never heard of it and he doesn't know what it is. Well, that's not a bug, it's a feature. The world has experienced a quantum shift and there are challenges that must be common, everyday knowledge to my characters that do not begin to occur to the warmly-ensconced, (one hopes) unthreatened-by-redcaps reader. If you are muttering "pos to pos, dead-live-live, neg to ground," you're probably not going to stop to explain the internal combustion engine or what you mean to the person whose car you are jumpstarting, and that's mean if you think you are a character in a Jules Verne story, but it's atmosphere here.
I am debating finding a specific disease for my character: something easily-curable in the modern world (but not when you have no access to modern healthcare technology), with distinctive symptoms that are currently hideable and will take her out in weeks of months. I suppose I could always go with rabies, so preventable today, but still fatal.
1. I find the scene in Tangled where the viewpoint characters are playing with the lanterns to be oddly touching in its symbolism: she is sending out a signal to her hidden self, finding and claiming her true identity by exploring the world, and her lover is right there with her. I like that. "Bring back what once was mine," indeed; 2. As much as I hate that the Snow Queen's message of feminine agency is neutered in Frozen (as you probably know, the original is about a baby dyke rescuing her gay BFF from depression and the lifestyle of a pretentious, contemptuous hipster and beard marriage), I love that Elsa can't truly rescue Anna from being trapped in the ice of WASP FOO issues until she starts expressing herself and feeling her power (and moving away from that "for your own good" model of abuse/ toxically devaluing her authentic self, herself), for good or for ill. Yes, you can feel emotions that women are traditionally forbidden--- anger, sexuality, fear, anxiety--- and sure, it will suck for the people around you, but if you do this with honesty, love, and courage, you CAN be a whole person, and you can allow them to be, too. You can trust the people around you not to die, if they have stopped hanging around with miserable life-energy-sucking bastards who can't get over themselves... 3. Everyone is saying, oh, how awful that the castle servants are cursed along with Disney's Beast, and yeah, in the context of the original tale, ugh, peasants as accessories to personal growth, you're a bastard, Charlie Perrault, but I am hoping that there are shades of "they were complicit in his dehumanizing/objectifying the poor and unpretty, and like him, they have been literally objectified and dehumanized. What if it's a condemnation of Hollywood's culture, and even child stars and producers' kids, like Chip, suffer fron this bullshit even as they perpetuate it? Related: what if, by "truly love and earn another's love i ln return," the enchantress meant, "develop mutual respect and caring for the people already around you and stop treating them like literal furniture, you bison-headed prick"?
Last day off until my father and stepmother (sans dog this time around) will be visiting from Alabama. I am very excited. My parents, both sets, are good parents, and I feel extraordinarily fortunate to have them visiting.
So, to do, today:
1. Wash sweater; 2. Acquire pants that fit, possibly a white blouse (my preference for skirts makes my stepmother vaguely uncomfortable, probably because I tended so disastrously to over-dress for everything as a child/ teen/ young adult, possibly because it's not her style. All my bifurcated clothing no longer fits), food, and vacuum cleaner (and flea carpet treatment); 3. Call card company about being locked out of my online account (grr); 4. Re-arrange living room (yes, again. Have an idea about the "home office". Also, I somehow think a fainting couch will be dropping into my life, soon); 5. Deep clean kitchen, bath, living room, and bedroom. (I do not think my parents will stop in, but any excuse to have things white-glove clean is a good excuse); 6. Install towel rack; 7. Push-ups; 8. Pilates; 9. Justiz work-out; 10. Critique one work on the SFF online workshop; 11. Answer E's letter; 12. Shower; 13. Pack overnight case; 14. Watch Beauty and the Beast; 15. Read comic books; 16. Set up sewing machine and find out if it works; 17. Get boots out of storage and fix; 18. Finish knitting; 19. Shop for hostess gift (parents are renting a house and having me stay); 20. Donate to AO3.
1. CAT CAME BACK. I called Bill, and said, "Hey, my cat's gone. Mind if I talk to you while I walk about the property and she can hear my voice? Thanks! Hang on, let me turn on the bluetooth... WAIT HELLO YOU LITTLE PUNKASS BITCH I WAS SO WORRIED--- not you, Bill..." Bill is magic, is my point. ( Read more...Collapse )
...and said, hey, why not make it a literal mental health day?
From the comments on Captain Awkward; "It sounds like, despite what he says, he wants you. It's just that he wants you small, exhausted, frustrated, miserable, and controlled."
And I feel like I am waking up stripped naked and crumpled on a marble floor.
And the worst part is, although yes, that was Zombie Bloke to a tittle, it feels like my professional life, mostly. Like they are taking their frustrations re; the high-turnover folks out on those proven loyal... my former manager said of me last week, "They should be treating you like gold, because that's what you are, and instead they are actively wotking to find ways to treat you like shit."