Things I didn't need to worry about.

1. I wrote to my former boss (check-ex's current boss) to say, "Look, I closed this checking account, he may need assistance until he can get some form of i.d., and here is a subtle reminder of last time I told him I was closing the account and he threatened to shoot up the neighborhood then kill himself." Former boss shot back: "No, he has i.d. now, I have seen it." I was worried about him all this time for nothing. You want to know what my face looks like now? You know that macro of the dog confronting her owner about fake-throwing a ball? The dog's rant ends with, "You, sir, are an asshole." Yes, exactly that, fur, muzzle, and all.

2. The manager I was having trouble with was fired, possibly in part because of the way she treated me, and without doubt others like me, using eye-rolling and exasperated sighs to motivate and teach, insisting that asking her to do her job indicated only failure to do our job. I am telling myself not to give in to the temptation of the leadership void--- 5000% of the hassle/bullshit politics for a dollar-per-hour pay rise (But! The satisfaction of seeing things done properly). Fortunately, the way I am unsuited to my current position makes it unlikely that my (I am even more surprised than you are) strengths in the field of management will ever be showcased at that cesspit, er, company and I continue to seek employment elsewhere.

Pun redacted, you're welcome

Excellent no-knead bread recipe

I have been living off this for a week. It makes very tasty, crusty bread with little effort, and unlike most recipes for no-knead bread, does not require a covered cast-iron Dutch oven. (I have had wonderful success in thrift stores, but it seems Le Creuset, a full wallet, and I cannot occupy the same building; this is my thrift-y Waterloo.) I use enough dough for a single person for a single day, and my oven runs hot, so I only bake for 35-40 minutes, and if you do a lot of home bread baking, it would be really difficult to overemphasize the economy and convenience of yeast by the pound. 10/10, would eat the delicious crunchy hell out of again.
  • Current Music: "Gato bajo la Lluvio," Rocio Durcal

I have confidence in confidence alone

The shift in taking care of myself and my environment since I have been using hypnosis for confidence has been truly massive.

It is weird how owning and feeding my entitled, conceited narcissism has made me way more pleasant to be around and considerate of others. (Then again, it could just be that meditation it really, really good for the ADHD brain.) I think it may be the difference between, "Suicide is too good for a jerk like me, so I will live in filth and chaos to show the world I know that I am not giving myself airs and thinking that I am better than a homeless person, prisoner, or a refugee," and, "That corner wants to be orderly. There is more arête in my love of beauty than my desire to mangle myself in self-defense. I'll go with that."

A place where I am blatantly passive-aggressive

If you pressure me to leave positive feedback before the item has shipped, I will not be returning to your eBay store no matter what the quality of your merchandise, and depending upon how clear you are about "only terrible narcissists wait they get their stuff to comment on it," I may mention that in your feedback. I don't know why it bugs me, but it does.

It is done

I finally managed to close the checking account I have with that fellow.

It was way past time. I still feel like an awful person, and I am not a little frightened.

The may be something not there that was lacking before

Since my grand revelation of "not eating has been keeping me fatter than I am comfortable being," I've been toying with a concept. I'm calling it "a pound a year." Once a week, I add an exercise or diet practice that will, if weight loss works like it says it does, result in my losing a pound a year.

Yup. You read that right. A pound a year. 11 calories per day. 1 1/3 ounces per month. The idea is, a year from now, I'll not have lost much, but two years from now, I'll be close to what I call my "fightin' weight," and three years from now, I will stop re-living my ex-stepfather's constant nasty snarking about my weight in my head (accompanied by my mother's failure to defend me in front of me, because you don't undermine your spouse in front of your children, even if your spouse is modeling the behavior of being an abusive shizno. Pardon me, recent therapy moment).

Pictured: me in four years. The car, if not the gal. Other acceptable (but possibly unrealistic) body goals: Bardot in Et Dieu Crea La Femme, Yvonne Craig, Lupita Nyong'o, Julie Newmar, Jessica Rabbit, Monica Belluci, Milla Jovovich, Lynda Carter, Kate Walsh, Grace Kelly, Angelique Boyer, She-Hulk, King Ghidora, Chris Evans from The Winter Soldier

The other rules are:

1. My body is my partner in health. I treat my partner well, I trust my partner, I do not abuse or undermine my partner. I do not look for reasons to hate or criticize my partner. I do not bond with others by pointing out my partner's flaws. I make sure my partner has the tools it needs to reach its goals before I start imposing my goals for it on it.
2. If my partner still chooses to have a larger silhouette, I will respect that decision over that of pundits/ 4chan /s critics.

And about three weeks in, I am already seeing results. Of the visible-only-to-me sort, sure, but certain places that used to pinch in certain garments don't, and my thighs are definitely looking pared down.

I still don't know why I want to be thin.

Huh. I should start a blog.


Apparently, at work, I have a reputation for kindness, friendliness, and positivity.

You, my loyal fans, may chortle amongst yourselves.

Binary choice

I can:
0. Study so I am joyously lifted beyond the effective reach of the manager with whom I am deeply incompatible;
1. See if my library has The Horse and His Boy available online and listen to Dorothy L'Amour records while reading it, so I have the strength of soul to deal with my manager for one more day until my day off.

This should not be so hard a choice.