Mine is not a mouth meant for smiling. By that, I mean, I have been called beautiful, but only when I'm sad. My teeth are all wrong for joy. The lips pull away from the jaw like I am Giger-designed. My chin goes on for acres. For smiles like mine, says the thesaurus: Grimace. Rictus. See also: "chimpanzee." My bones are cacophonous confusion, my flesh does not know how to cope with them.
Mine is not a mouth meant to smile, And yet, here you are.
I just realized that pretty soon, my balance on the Visa in the bank that I WANT to be my primary bank is going to go low enough that I can transfer my [primary bank redacted] Visa. That's going to hurt my credit score in the short run, as that's my oldest credit card, but since it's a secured card, I can close it out and apply the balance to my highest-interest debt. The secured card has also got relatively high monthly fees and an APR of 19.99, which seems pretty outrageous on a secured card if my research is anything to go by (it may not be, but the other card is about half that, and unsecured). PLUS it's one less minimum payment per month, which I can then apply toward that first high-interest account... I'm pretty excited.
I just want to say that as things go, cheap chicken drumsticks in a slow cooker with a barbecue sauce you really like is like really way more wonderful than anyone has any right to expect. High for about four hours and flip 'em. Delicious, lunch for one, and stuff to add to stuff you add chicken to as well.
Also, I did a Tarot reading about "what should I do about my job," and change is good and will bring about great things and I'm scared of things I shouldn't be scared of and not scared of things I should be scared of and arrrrrg.
They're making a book I like a great deal, D. Eggers' thriller The Circle, into a movie. Heck, maybe they've released it, I don't know. Do read the book, well worth it.
1. I think it will be a shame to lose the scene where the Snavely Whiplash figure stores the fishtank massacre to his spank bank for later. In the book, the symbolism was super heavy-handed, but the author made it work.
2. I think instead of the ending of the book or the ending the focus groups will inevitably want to give, Mae should get woke AF JUST in or before the final scene. The bad guys should win, and she should give her final speech to her viewers: "I'm sorry for my role in all this. But remember: this is what we chose. This is what we fought for. This is what we deserve," door busted in, fade to black, fin. Or Mae should be at Annie's side, refusing to fight the Power, because the Circle was what humanity deserved.
After a workweek of ten straight days at my emotionally-draining job, I wanted to spend the day going to church, catvhing up on cleaning, making art, writing, exercising.... instead, I am fighting off excessice nappage and binge-watching season two of Craxy Ex-Girlfriend. Meh. But so tired.
I have been so good about paying down/ not using my credit. But we've had a week of warmth, and my cat is already miserable from fleas. It is kind of eerie how Easy Spt costs exactly what two weeks' worth of groceries does for a single person...
I may be latching onto the zeitgeist of the disposable, but it seems to me that humans as a rule as geared to seek equilibrium in social situations. Although there is some craving for novelty, if something works for us, we tend to stick to it, especially as we get older. That's why if you are terribly dissatisfied within a relationship, job, or dwelling and basic shifts (like making sure one is getting good nutrition, proper rest, and satisfying that thirst for new experiences/ knowledge while remembering to feel grateful for how far one has actually come on that ol' hedonic treadmill) have been made, it's probably not "all in your head." It's time to evaluate your exit options.
And gentle reader, you may think I think I have camouflaged, "Oh, dear, oh dear, what ever I am I to do about my job, and incidentally, in case you are wondering I think I have completely forgiven everyone who ever dumped me," well, but yeah, it's glaring out at me, too.